


I wont fight it

by Basic_instinct40



Category: The Expanse (TV), The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 12:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15949484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basic_instinct40/pseuds/Basic_instinct40
Summary: Written for The Expanse Fanfiction Exchange. Prax and Amos domestic fluff.  Light smut.





	I wont fight it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Allez_Argeiphontes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allez_Argeiphontes/gifts).



Prax jerked away from the nightmare that had been plaguing his subconscious for the better part of the night. It was one he hadn't had in quite some time, but one that had always left him drenched in cold sweat and a tight feeling his chest. In the nightmare, he was back on the Rocinante when the crew had discovered the protomolecule hybrid that had stowed away on the ship. The confusing feelings of fear, curiosity, and hope of wanting to understand the creature that could very well be Mei, swallowed him up in the in this memory of a nightmare. He was trapped in the cycle of searching the hybrid’s eyes as he held the bomb, for a glimmer of his lost child. In the nightmare, he threw the bomb and just as the monster's hand reached to grab out for the reactor, its blue-milky alien eyes turned into Mei’s big, beautiful, brown eyes and then slowly her face. His dream Mei clutched the bomb, looked Prax in the eye and said “Daddy?”, right as the bomb detonated in her face. Prax would always wake up screaming and immediately go to Mei’s room in their two bedroom apartment. Luckily he always found her sound asleep, curled into a ball. 

This time he was pulled from the nightmare by rough, comforting, hands placed heavy on his bare chest. “It’s okay,” Amos said, “You're okay, he said soothingly. Prax rubbed his eyes, trying to slow his racing heart, as he sat up against the headboard. He reached out for Amos in the dark of their bedroom, feeling instantly better knowing the other man was there. “I need to see Mei,” he said quietly to the dark shape that was his lover. Amos’s hand reached up to find Prax’s face patting it gently.

“She's at the Sheng’s, remember?” he replied. Prax did remember, Mei had been begging to sleep over at her friend's house who lived in the same estate as the Meng’s for weeks. Prax, of course, had been more than apprehensive at the thought of her away from him for the night. It had been nearly two years since he and Amos had found her, and he wasn't in any hurry to let her out of his sight other than school and occasional play dates. Mei had begged and begged to point of almost upsetting her father, but Amos had told him to relax. They were standing in the kitchen before taking Mei to school and Amos had just told him he was shipping out again with the Roci. Holden had called the night before and told them that Amos was “needed”. Most likely for some half-cocked dangerous mission which would have Amos shot again, but Prax has kept his mouth closed. Such was their unspoken agreement. Amos explains that it would be good for Mei to get outta the house for the night and have some fun. “We have fun!” Prax had exclaimed a little more loudly than he intended. Amos had fixed him with a hard stare across the kitchen island and said calmly without dropping his eyes, “Yea we do, Doc, but maybe Mei shouldn't witness our long goodbye”. Prax broke eye contact and looked down at the kitchen floor. He felt Amos move to be beside him but still didn't look up as Amos said, “let her go hang out with some kids and enjoy being a child” he said almost whispering. 

Prax had let Mei go on the condition that she would call every hour. She had squealed with excitement and grabbed Prax tightly around the waist. He was grateful he had her implanted with a tracker in her wrist when they had settled down again on Ganymede, so he tried to breathe easy knowing that the software would announce if anything went awry. 

Still recovering from his nightmare, Prax reached over Amos and grabbed his hand terminal from the nightstand. Opening the app, be discovered a cartoon Mei at the Sheng’s apartment two floors down. Her resting heart rate showed that she was fast asleep and the clock on his terminal showed him that it was 4:30 in the morning. Prax set the terminal down on the nightstand and pulled Amos into an embrace. “Sorry I woke you”, he said against Amos”s bare shoulder. “No need to be sorry, Doc,” Amos said back. Prax snuggled closer to the bigger man, wrapping his arms around Amos’s broad back. He wedged his thigh in between Amos’s two muscular ones and Amos draped his leg across Prax’s, opening his arms so the scientist could rest his head in the crook of Amos shoulder and neck. They laid twisted up like this for an unknown amount of time, their hearts beating at exactly the same rhythm. Prax had spent many mornings and nights like this, hypnotized by the mechanic’s steady breathing and caught up in the disbelief that was their ever-evolving relationship. 

Prax had barely heard from the other man after he and Mei had been dropped off back on Ganymede. While he was offered a half-hearted stay on the Roci with the crew by Holden, they both knew that a Martian gunship was no place for a six-year-old. So he had taken up Avasarala’s offer of being on the committee that oversaw the rebuilding of his home. He would be lying if he said he didn’t experience culture shock while reacclimating himself back to society. So much had happened during his search for Mei and so much had changed with Prax. He had fought off evil corporations, aliens, and been apart of one of the most infamous crews in the solar system, but he was still a botanist and a single father. 

The communication with the crew had been few and far between and mostly consisted of Alex and Naomi with Holden waving in the background. The man that had become his best friend, his savior, and teacher of violence, during the roughest part of Prax’s life, seemed to always be elsewhere. It wasn't till one night that Mei had refused to disconnect during one of the crew's calls, much to her father’s embarrassment, until she had spoken with Amos, that Prax finally saw the man again. He wasn't ready for the emotions that washed over him. Seeing Amos again, hearing his voice as he asked Mei about first grade and her new bed, brought Prax to the realization that he was unfortunately in love with him. He was wrapped up in this spiraling thought that he missed it when Amos said “Hey, Doc” while Mei had stuck the terminal against his face telling him to say hi back. Prax had taken the terminal from Mei’s tiny hand and looked at Amos Burton’s face for the first time in five months. He had surprised himself and the man on the other side of the screen when he asked rather bluntly, “When are you coming to visit”? Prax had wanted to be embarrassed, perhaps even a little scared, but his search for Mei had taught him that you had to take any chance you were given in order to get what you needed. 

Prax hadn't known that he had needed Amos till just then, but now that he did, he couldn't just let the man slip away again. Amos had given a chuckle as he replied. “Not sure about that one, Doc. The Roci is off doing a top-secret mission for OPA and,-” Amos was cut off suddenly by the Martian valley drawl of ships pilot “We ain't doing shit, Doc, we could be there in two shakes of a lamb tail”, Alex shouted trying to dodge away from the coffee bulb that Naomi had just thrown at him. Amos had just given a hard glare at the pilot and mumbled something about the engine room handing the terminal off to Holden, who looked like he wanted to be doing anything else but talking to Prax. 

“Uhhh, I’m sure we can take some time off from our, uh.. top secret mission” Holden said clearing his throat. Prax had just nodded and said a lame goodbye before signing off. The late embarrassment was now upon him and the neediness he had displayed in front of the crew made him nauseous.

After Mei went to bed that night, he sat on the couch in the living room going over each interaction with Amos. He had examined every detail that he could of their time together and cringed at all the overly emotional outbursts that seemed to become almost cartoonish and desperate in his memories. Amos had taken pity on him, that was all. If they hadn't found Mei he was sure the engineer would have told him to take a long spacewalk sans evac suit. Prax laid awake for most of the night and decided that even though he was in love with Amos he had to overcome that. He decided that he should just be happy that he had his daughter back and reaffirm his life to being a fulltime dad and bachelor. 

Weeks passed with his heart only aching fleetingly at the thought of Amos, but Prax just threw himself harder into work and the care of Mei. The idea of the violent gun wielding earther possibly reciprocating the nerdy belter scientist feelings almost became amusing to him. Almost. In the dead of night, long after he had put Mei to bed, he would take out the Amos file of his memories and recall the way he taken the staples out of his head so that he wouldn't look so scary when they found Mei, or he would think of Amos killing Dr.Strickland for him instead of letting Prax become a killer. He was ashamed of his actions when he would reach into his boxers during those light nights and touch himself at the idea of Amos’s large hands and full mouth. But the weeks still passed without a word from Amos or the crew. 

 

Then, one day Prax had gone in early at the lab wanting to test out a new strain okra that could survive in low-g when one of the lab technicians told him there was a large man waiting out in the lobby for him. “A large man”, he had repeated dumbly back to the tech. The tech had said yes that the man wouldn't give his name but seemed to be an earther who was asking for him and was making everyone uncomfortable. Prax had barely heard the rest of the techs complaint before he ran out of his lab through the long tunnels that lead out to the lobby. He stopped running just short of the glass doors where he could see that it, in fact, was Amos standing in the middle of his building's lobby. He appeared to look both bored and menacing and Prax could see a security guard who hardly looked out of his teens, visibly shaking with his hand on the butt of his stun gun. “That won't stop, Amos” Prax thought. He tried to suppress the huge grin that was threatening to take up half his face but smoothed his hair down hoping he didn't have toothpaste on his face. He pushed open the door and walked towards Amos. 

“Doc!” he had shouted when he caught sight of Prax. The security guard asked the botanist if he knew the man, and Prax grinned at the guard allowing himself the joy of being able to say, “ Yes, I do. This is Amos, my best friend in the whole world.” Amos’s smile was almost as big as the scientist, and in that moment Prax was reassured that it wasn't all one-sided. 

Prax had taken a sick day and taken Amos back to his apartment where the bigger man had wasted no time in shoving Prax against the fridge when he offered the engineer a beer. Amos’s kisses were surprisingly tender and Prax allowed himself to melt into his mouth. If this is a dream never let me wake up, he thought. It wasn't a dream, and over the next two weeks he and Amos spent their time in different states of being dressed, and almost breaking Prax’s bed. Mei welcomed Amos’s presence and just figured that he was there to see her. The fact that the two men shared a bedroom, didn't seem to register as unusual to her at all. 

Amos never stayed long enough and Prax was just happy anytime he came back with all his parts and a duffle bag. This time was the longest though. He had been with the Meng’s for nearly eight months, even taking on a part-time job as an engineer at the shipyard. Prax knew Amos had more than enough money from his escapades with Holden and crew so when he asked why he took on a job he had given a simple “Man’s gotta work”. Every weekday morning Prax went to work while Amos dropped Mei off at school. Amos spent his days he wasn't working at the newly rebuilt gym teaching boxing to a bunch of belter kids and then drinking at the only dive bar on Ganymede with old-school belter’s who had names like “Slappy” or “Bud”. Amos seemed to think people there had “personality”. In the evening when Prax got home Amos would have already picked up Mei from school, helped her with her homework and ran her down to the park till she was exhausted with happiness. The three of them would eat dinner while they talked about their day and sometimes Prax couldn't believe how lucky he was. At night he would take to Amos desperately, usually more than once. Amos would joke about needing to take something to keep up with Prax, but he would always kiss him hard afterward leaving Prax feeling full, yet desperate for more.

 

He knew that one day the Roci crew would call Amos back home and he was thankful for each day that they didn’t. It wouldn't stop him from holding his breath whenever Naomi called to check in, his voice tight when they would ask after him. Amos answered the crews calls no matter what time of day or what they were doing. Only during sex did he feel utterly safe that Amos wouldn't pick up the phone. Prax knew that he smiled too brightly at each crew member when they called, his voice high when he rambled off about his research or Mei. He could tell Naomi understood because she would try to keep her conversations brief, unlike Alex or Holden who could go on for hours. Prax knew the day was coming so when he stood in the kitchen that morning he stopped listening after Amos said he was shipping out the day after tomorrow. “How long?” was all he asked. What he wanted to ask was “how long are you willing to leave me for?” or “how easy is it for you every time you go?”, but he didn't because it wouldn't be fair. Amos loved him even though they never said it. Prax didn't need to hear it because Amos showed it every time he came back. 

 

Now wrapped up in each other arms at five in morning Prax couldn't bear to let him go. “I can feel you thinking”, He heard Amos say. Prax had thought he had fallen back asleep, but glad he was awake. Amos pushed himself up releasing Prax and propped his head up, on one hand, looking down into Prax’s dark eyes. “What’s got your mind reeling,” Amos asked. It was still dark in the room so Prax traced the outline of his lover’s dark figure without touching him. He enjoyed that Amos stayed silent. He wouldn't push Prax to answer which was one of Prax’s favorite things about him. “I'm thinking” he finally answered, “that we should go eat Pho,” he lied. 

Amos snorted with laughter and placed his free hand against Prax’s lower stomach. “Pho place doesn't open till ten” he answered back sliding his hand down lower till his reached Prax’s hip. Prax became hard at the idea of riding Amos, the chance for it was now if not ever. “Guess we will have to occupy our time somehow,” he told the bigger man. Prax grabbed ahold of Amos’ hand sliding it down all the way. He licked his own hand reaching down to tangle his fingers with Amos’s. The engineer's rough calloused palm stroked up and down easily with the help of Prax’s slick fingers. Amos bent down kissing Prax roughly. Prax wanted it like this, a little rough, he wanted Amos to mark him so that even when he had left Prax could look at the marks and remember. He bit Amos’s lower lip enough for it to hurt and tighten the man’s hand around his cock harder. Amos pulled back and rested his forehead against Prax, stroking him faster, rougher. “Is that how you want it”, he asked Prax his lips centimeters away from his own. He didn't answer immediately and Amos up the speed of his hand, making Prax shudder out a simple yes. Amos took his hand away causing Prax to let out a frustrated sigh before he was suddenly flipped over on his stomach. He felt Amos now wet fingers working him open and he allowed himself to be taken over. Amos’s hands and mouth were everywhere at once forcing sounds out of Prax. He was taken slowly, but with more expertise than anyone would ever expect from the Roci’s engineer. Amos whispered things into Prax’s ear that normally would have caused the botanist to blush, but this time, maybe the last time, he allowed himself to be pulled under by the current of Amos Burton. He asked Amos to finish in his mouth and laughed when Amos breathed out “Fuck yes” moving eagerly towards Prax’s open mouth. The fell asleep afterward and if Prax dreamed he didn't remember it. 

 

Prax woke up much later to the sound of water running in the bathroom. He was alone in the still warm bed, and he took pleasure in the slight ache that drifted throughout his body from their lovemaking. He raised up from the bed, the sheet bunching up around his naked torso as he stretched his arms high towards the ceilings of their bedroom. Prax had taken the day off and was in no hurry to say goodbye to Amos all day. He wondered to himself why this time was so hard. Amos had left before and had never made any promises to stay permanently. “This time felt different,” he said out loud to an empty room. 

“What felt different?”, Amos said, walking into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. 

“Oh, just Mei being gone last night” Prax lied, getting up from the bed. He bent down looking for his boxers that had flung off, finding them curled up in the corner. He could feel Amos’s eyes on him and he tried to appear neutral as he got dressed and walked to the bathroom, but Amos, of course, knew him better than that. Amos reached out a hand to lightly grab Prax shoulder turning him to look into his eyes. The two men remained silent as they stood in the doorway of the shared bedroom. Prax looked into the deep blue-green of Amos' eyes and started to open his mouth to confess his true thoughts before Amos surprised him by pulling him into a hug. Prax felt tears start to form in his eyes as he hugged Amos back, breathing in his scent, trying to catalog the moment for later. Prax was the first to pull away, afraid he would break down if they stayed embraced. He reached up to cup Amos’s shoulder, “You hungry,” he asked, “I'm sure the noodle house is open by now.” 

“Fuckin’-A, I am”, Amos replied stepping away from Prax to get dressed. “One of the things I’m gonna miss about this place”, he said while pulling on his pants, “actual food; no protein slime from a tube”. 

Prax laughed and told him to make coffee while he was in the shower. Amos gave him a stiff salute and walked bare-chested into the kitchen pausing to kiss Prax on the lips. That’s what he was going to miss most about their little family unit. Early morning sex, eating Pho, raising Mei together. He tried to allow his mind to go blank as he showered. He couldn't fall apart because there was no reason to. This wasn’t goodbye, it was just the ways things were. He trusted Amos to get himself out of whatever mess the Roci crew got themselves into, he trusted him to return months from now, most likely with regrown limbs, and fall back into their domestic life. Prax had to hold on to that. 

He stepped out of the shower to the smell of coffee and toweled himself off. He told himself that he would commit to making the best of the situation and walked out of the bathroom to join Amos. Both men dressed quickly, wanting to grab Mei and start their day together. They walked down to the elevator shaft with Prax feeling slightly better. The buzz of caffeine and their reunion with Mei helped his mood. Amos knocked on the Sheng’s door and was greeted by Greta, the mother of Mei’s friend. She waved them inside of the apartment which was almost identical to theirs, and called out the children, “Mei your Dad’s are here” she said. No one bothered to correct her as to Amos’s relation to Mei. Most people assumed that he was her father and they had both heard Mei refer to Amos as such and as with most things in their relationship, there was no need to discuss it. It just was. 

They decided to walk to the restaurant not wanting to cram themselves into the mid-day train cart. Mei held both Amos’s and Prax’s hands as they walked, she chatted away about what she had done the night before and the weird Russian food the Sheng’s had made. Prax was grateful to Amos for convincing him to let Mei go and told himself that he would try to not to keep Mei locked inside of the apartment with him while he was away. 

“I’m going to eat so much Pho”, Mei exclaimed, pulling Prax away from his thoughts. “I'm going to eat more than you, Amos”. 

Amos chuckled at that as they took their seats at the restaurant. “You think you can match me?” he asked her wiggling his eyebrows to make her laugh. 

‘Yes I want a bowl as big as yours”, she said rounding her arms out exaggerating, almost hitting Prax in the face.

“I don't know about that Mei” Prax tried to say before Amos held up his hand to stop him. 

‘No, Doc girl thinks shes got a shot, let her shoot it” he said putting on a fake menacing voice. Mei balled up her little fist and said “Bring it on”, which made both men burst out with laughter. 

The waitress took their order with Amos telling her that the “little lady” would be having the largest tofu bowl much to Mei’s delight.  
As they waited for their food the two men talked about nothing in particular while Mei played games on Amos’s terminal. Prax tried to pretend that this was just like any other day, but he couldn't ignore the gnawing in his belly that had more to do with the man sitting across from him than hunger. It dropped especially when Mei asked, “When will you be back Amos”?  
Mei knew that Amos had to travel back to the Roci from time to time, but he had stayed so long this time she almost forgotten what it was like when he wasn't there. Prax held his breath to hear the answer to the question he was afraid to ask.  
“Well I’m not sure,” Amos said rubbing his hands back and forth through his buzzcut. “Cap’n gotta deal with some bad men and I gotta help”, he told her plainly. Mei looked down at the table considering what Amos said. “But, she asked, “who’s going to pick me up from school”? 

Amos looked as if he just got punched in the stomach at Mei’s question so Prax answered for him. “You can walk home with your friend Max, he said referring to the Sheng’s son. 

“I don't want to do that, Mei answered back angrily, “Max’s mom makes them eat sugar-free protein bars and they can only go to the park once a week” she continued her face turning red. 

Prax was at a loss of words at Mei’s outburst. Him being on the rebuilding committee plus his usual botanist work took up much of his time. Amos had taken over most of the day to day caring of Mei and he knew that they had their own routines and rituals outside of him. He wasn't sure how he would fill the Amos shape hole in Mei’s life. 

“Hey, don't be like that, Amos said, reaching across the table to take Mei’s hand. “You have fun with Max and maybe you can sneak some of the snacks you like into your backpack and blow his sugar free mind”, he told her. 

“I want you to pick me up, though,” Mei pressed in her small voice. “I’ll miss you,” she said, shattering both men’s hearts. Prax wanted to wrap them both up in his arms and never let go; he was stopped from doing this act by the waitress bringing their food. All three were quiet as she places the food down and walked away with a “Thank you” from Prax. 

They went about doctoring their food in silence, the easy domestic bliss now seems to have vanished. Amos as always put too many jalapenos and Sriracha in his Pho. “You know you can't handle that type of spice”, he told the bigger man who was already turning red after one bite. 

“Just trying to give Mei some advantage to finishing her bowl”, Amos said back, winking at the little girl. The renewed competition made Mei smile as she vigorously dug into her food. Prax smiled, glad that he could share a meal with his two favorite people. He reminded himself to be grateful, that he never thought he would be here enjoying Pho with Amos Burton. The universe had flown him far and away from home to connect him with a man he would have crossed the street to get away from before Mei’s disappearance. They had nothing and everything in common, and this is what made them work.

Prax watched Mei laugh at Amos’s face getting redder and redder as noodles hung from her mouth. He would miss this, hopefully not for long, but miss it all the same. The Pho eating contest drew to an end with Amos as the obvious winner, he and Prax splitting the rest of Mei unfinished food. 

“To the park?”, Amos suggested after they had paid and walked outside. His question was answered with a squeal from Mei and a grin from Prax. Amos put Mei on his shoulders and they took on a lazy walk to the nearest park. Prax walked a few feet back taking in the sight of his family. After Nicola, there had been a few people, but no one permanent. He had given up eventually preferring to stick with his plants as company, but Amos had changed all that. He would never understand the pull he felt towards the man that everyone assumed was a violent psychopath. While Prax knew that Amos was dangerous he also understood that behind those guarded eyes was a person who would go to the ends of the universe for the ones that he loved. Prax counted himself more than lucky to be a part of that small group. People lied all the time about their intentions, but with Amos, you got the truth upfront all the time. If he said he would do something he would, and this more than anything is what drew Prax to Amos. 

They played at the park for hours until Mei was good and tired before taking the tube back home. Amos held Mei as she started to fall asleep, her round cheek on his shoulder. Prax once again felt tears come to his eyes as he watches Amos rub small circles on Mei’s back while she slept. He fought the tears back as they got off the tube walking the rest of the way back to their apartment. Amos woke Mei gently in the elevator telling her that she could play games on the big terminal in the living room. 

Prax helped Amos pack what little he had brought with him, then sit on the bed not realizing how tired he was. “I'll just shut my eyes for a minute he thought”, settling back on his pillow. He didn’t know how much time had passed before he woke to Amos flopping down on the bed. 

“Doc”, he said quietly, rousing Prax all the way.  
“Hey”, he replied, laying one of his hands on Amos’s forearm. “How long have I been out?”, he asked. 

“‘Bout an hour,” Amos said.  
“Shit”, Prax said sitting up. “I didn’t mean to sleep for so long he said. One less hour with you, he thought. 

“You were tired”, Amos said. 

Such was their way, they both sat in silence as neither man was a big talker when it didn't come to plants or ship engines. Some would find this strange in a couple, but Prax enjoyed this about them. They understood each other well enough that useless chit-chat could be cut. He and Amos could enjoy just being. 

Amos' voice broke the easy silence, “I’ll be back you know”, he said looking at the wall instead of the botanist. 

Prax opened his mouth to say “Of course, you will”, but he didn’t want to lie, leaving the immediate urge to speak within a moment. Especially when there were only a few hours left. 

“You don't know that”, he said instead. Amos turned to look at him finally, his face a mask that Prax could not read. 

“Yes, I do,” he corrected Prax. “No matter what happens out there with the Roci I'll come back one way or another.”  
Prax didn't want to think what the “or another” part of Amos’s speech meant, but instead said what he had been wanting to say since Amos told him he was leaving. 

“You could stay”, he opined. He felt selfish to ask so much of someone who had given him more than enough. He knew what the Roci and the crew meant to Amos. 

“You know that can’t happen”, Amos answered back plainly, scanning his eyes on the room. 

“I know”, Prax replied. 

 

They stayed sitting on the bed in silence until Mei called for them both in the living room. The rest of night went like any other; them making dinner and putting Mei to bed. Amos stayed in her bedroom talking with her quietly for a time and Prax didn't ask what was said when the two men laid down to rest. Prax wasn't tired now but he took comfort in Amos’ too warm body laying next to his. 

“If you need to find someone el-”, Amos started to say looking towards the ceiling. 

“Fuck off”, Prax interrupted without emotion, using one of Amos favorite sayings. 

Amos chuckled and reach over to hold Prax in his muscular arms. Prax relaxed into the hug, and before he could finish a thought he was fast asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at https://basic-insticnt40.tumblr.com/


End file.
